Coming Out

When I was in my early-20’s, I was adamant that nobody would silence me.  In later years I learned tact and personal restraint.  In my late 30’s, I am learning that it really doesn’t, and shouldn’t, matter.

I prefer men to women.  On a Kinsey Scale I’m probably a 5.  Why does it matter?  I don’t really know.  I’m not sleeping with you, right?  I’m not spending donor funds on my sexual orientation.  I’m not spending my days at the office looking for sexual partners.  It doesn’t influence 90% of who I am.  It may have shaped my perception of tolerance and acceptance of people, but even 100% straight (and gay) people can do that.

I didn’t really ever have a big issue about it, as those who know me would know that I don’t have big issues with most things.  When I “came out” to my mother, I brought someone home and cornered her after the third day and asked if she liked him, which she happened to say she did.  My sister has always been supportive of it.  My niece has been ok with it, as has been my nephew.  My brother and his wife were probably the last people, and though they didn’t totally agree with it, they could understand.  Those are the important people.  My close friends have always known, and they are the other important people.  People beyond that were incidental, and it didn’t matter.  I am not known for going out of my way to please people.  I did not see it as my duty to show something that was a small part of who I am to everybody.

Living in a small community in Tarkastad, I have, for the most part, avoided any of those issues.  People don’t know me intimately, and those who do, are those I am comfortable with and who don’t mind.  They may have told others, and that’s ok, but nobody outside who I’ve told have ever “known” with absolute certainty, from the horse’s mouth.  The majority of people suspect, or have heard from third parties.

I have recently found that it has influenced people who have not had the integrity to ask me directly.  They have drawn their own conclusions, and their conclusions have been that I must be a pedophile.  Why does someone of 36 mingle with youth?  Why does someone of 36 show an interest in the development of our leaders of tomorrow?  Why would someone of 36, who happens to be single, living with a female of 28 and showing no interest in her, even letting her have a boyfriend, moving to a new house with her and looking after her dogs, talk to my children?  Obviously sex, right?  No.

There is a large difference between homosexuality and pedophilia.  There is a large difference between those who are driven by power and sex and those who are not.  I am not driven by power or sex.  I am driven by connections between people.  If I can’t connect to you, on a personal, deep level, I will most likely not speak to you, or speak to you superficially.

Among some of my Christian friends, I have become the insecure, self-searching, God-searching little person who doesn’t know what he is about.  Quite frankly, no, I know myself well, thank you.  I know what I think about God, and while I disagree with you on various individual points, I don’t believe that my “truth” is the only truth out there.  I know what I think about myself, and I know I am more a background person.  It doesn’t make me insecure – I just know where I fit.  You may be all out there and try to fit into the signature of let’s take part and show that we are “cool,” but I don’t need to be “cool.”  I know that I am cool to those who know me, took the time to know me, and accept me for the way I am.  The rest doesn’t really matter, and I don’t have to take part in group activities to show that I am “cool.”  I don’t have to fit into any society to know that I am worthy, because I know that I am, and those who don’t find me such, on my terms, are missing out on a whole world of me.

“Gay” people are seen as one class of person, who are inferior to the whole of humanity, but we are really a rainbow of diversity, with many talents that can, and do, help humanity in its growth.  We long to be included, and we long for religion to acknowledge that we are part of humanity, but we are not going to betray who we are just to fit in.  I will not judge my brothers and sisters in sexual orientation, gender orientation and race orientation in my quest to prove that I am a good Christian.  In that case, “Christians” may go be their own people, and I will live the life of Christ.